ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
