i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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