He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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