well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize