my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
