I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
