capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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