In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
