don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
