Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
