i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
