forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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