First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
