so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
