I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
