So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
not ubering you a puppy
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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