I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
