worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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