Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
