That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
