I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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