Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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