8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize