Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
