with your own penis?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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