Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
