Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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