Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
