Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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