Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
How's work?
Spinning.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
