i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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