nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
