Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
