I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
