Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
