I just threw up on my dentist
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
