eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
