Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
