cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
