I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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