Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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