look no pants
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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