Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
