theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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