no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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