FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
