i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
