@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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