I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
