Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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