We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
