This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
