yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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