It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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