Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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