i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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