i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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