did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
