Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
