She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
