Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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