I will die if light touches me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
