we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
