toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
