why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Barsexuality is the new black.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
