just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
