Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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