apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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