Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
