I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
