Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
