i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
