Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
