Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
