i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
