Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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